so, i really don't know or care how to start this or exactly what i'm going to say... i don't even have a title. it's been a while since i updated so there's some things i would really like to say... but not all at once, i'll spare you guys :)
this past month has been really interesting. I've done everything from be able to enjoy and discuss a shared faith with some really really really great friends, and at the same time, i've been giving the privilege to defend it.
a little about me: i'm a christian, if you're reading this, you probably already know that, but something you probably don't know about me is that i used to hate faith, any faith. and now, now i get to enter into discussions about faith with those who might not be against it... i told someone tonight "don't walk around eggshells near me, cause i don't around you." i want people to tell me exactly what's going on in their brain, why hide what you think? the problem most people have with God is their pre-conceived notions of what he ought to be like... i'm not coming from some kirkegaardian viewpoint of dropping everything you think about God and just blindly following (if that's what kirkegaard actually thought), but seriously, bad experiences at church, denominational interpretations and theological hermeneutics that assume certain understandings... for instance: i know that i'm biased and have my personal interpretations, but at the same time, i can teach and offer several other interpretations of the same ideas... some things in christianity aren't just set in stone, it's a faith for a reason... people ask me why i'm a christian - well, it's the only logical faith. and there's some things that one just has to reason backward about - for instance:
God does things differently than us
Sometimes what God does doesn't make sense
God's reasoning for things is consistent
If we can find God's reasoning for things, then they will make sense to us, even though he does things differently than us.
Jesus taught a backward gospel. "The meek will inherit the earth." Uh... totally. "If you want to be my disciple, you must take up your cross and follow me", "I will give you life and life more abundantly." So, just to get this straight, I need to die in order to live?
One of the assumptions you can make is this: God loves you. Your pain? God feels it? Your loneliness? Jesus died alone. Your addictions? God understands. God is not a god so removed from our situations that he does not understand. He died alone, poor, and really really cares.
But there's hope: he overcame death. Theologians like to talk about what that means, but, whatever it means, it happened. Death wasn't the final say with God. And the hope we can gain from that personally is this - he offers resurrection to us. He offers the removal of death's last word from our life. I really wish i knew where i was going with this, other than, listen, God cares, but he's not one to be bullied by us.
Just because you pray, fast, cut yourself, live an ascetic life, doesn't matter... he won't be pushed into revealing himself. God is omnipresent (he's everywhere) and if you decide to look, you'll see God, and as you practice this skill, you will learn what you're looking for.
This post probably needs a follow-up, but seriously, if i haven't been clear somewhere, comment, i'll respond.
24 February 2010
26 January 2010
reality is in the perception
so, i'm going to try to put together some thoughts, lets see how it goes.
so, we often talk about reality, but it quickly diverges into this metaphysical conversation referencing people like Descartes, Locke, etc... what i want to talk about is our perceptions...
first off, what's real almost doesn't matter, it's what u perceive... when someone says something, it's not the words u actually use, but their interpretation of those words along with the tone, for example:
Person A: "Thank you"
Person B: "Your welcome"
simple, right? well, lets assume both persons are ernest... that's one interpretation, but lets assume Person A is sarcastic, Person B could not have noticed and be earnestly replying, or they could be replying in sarcasm or any other gamut of emotions... now, lets think that Person A is earnest, etc, do u see what i mean?
now, this is such a basic little interpretation, but sometimes people change their own reality. they make a tough decision. now, the normal reaction is to begin justifying that decision as often as they can. it's really quite the phenomenon, even amazing to watch! they begin to perceive things pre-decision in light of the decision. i usually think of this as "they lie to themselves", but it's not that, i'm not sure if i could call it lying, they're simply changing their perceptions in order to be more comfortable with their decision. i cannot blame them for that, i am the same way... so...
what i'm trying to say, is, at some point in your life, your perception of the past will be different than what actually happened, and very different from others who were involved, don't be alarmed, it's natural, but be aware of your own tendency to change your perceptions of things that were and it will help your things that are and things that might be.
so, we often talk about reality, but it quickly diverges into this metaphysical conversation referencing people like Descartes, Locke, etc... what i want to talk about is our perceptions...
first off, what's real almost doesn't matter, it's what u perceive... when someone says something, it's not the words u actually use, but their interpretation of those words along with the tone, for example:
Person A: "Thank you"
Person B: "Your welcome"
simple, right? well, lets assume both persons are ernest... that's one interpretation, but lets assume Person A is sarcastic, Person B could not have noticed and be earnestly replying, or they could be replying in sarcasm or any other gamut of emotions... now, lets think that Person A is earnest, etc, do u see what i mean?
now, this is such a basic little interpretation, but sometimes people change their own reality. they make a tough decision. now, the normal reaction is to begin justifying that decision as often as they can. it's really quite the phenomenon, even amazing to watch! they begin to perceive things pre-decision in light of the decision. i usually think of this as "they lie to themselves", but it's not that, i'm not sure if i could call it lying, they're simply changing their perceptions in order to be more comfortable with their decision. i cannot blame them for that, i am the same way... so...
what i'm trying to say, is, at some point in your life, your perception of the past will be different than what actually happened, and very different from others who were involved, don't be alarmed, it's natural, but be aware of your own tendency to change your perceptions of things that were and it will help your things that are and things that might be.
13 January 2010
a tale from judah
it was a nice day on the judean hillside. warm. it was spring. i was walking through the old city and looking at the amazing structures and then i came across a man. he was sitting a lone. he wasn't begging and from his countenance he needed a friend. so i approached. his beard was short and had gray mixed in with the black. his head was curly, kept neat, but the same stray hairs invaded his capital as well, at least, from what i could see. he wore a turban, very common for these nice days.
i approached and we began small talk. after a few minutes, we got glasses and drank the freshest, cleanest water you could imagine. as we continued, the morning sun slowly turned into the afternoon sun. as it began to beat down on us the conversation took a dramatic turn. this man looked up with solemn, deep eyes, like a man who was torn in two. a warm breeze began to pick up. "i believe my closest friend will bring our country to ruin."
A simple statement. i was confused. did this man want advice? absolution? for what? his crackling, saddened voice continued, "if he continues, we will be at war. i have to betray him. i'm afraid he might be assassinated. the leaders want him arrested but if he continues in what he's doing, though innocent, he might change the mind of the rules, we might be seen as a rebel faction which, i'm afraid, might destroy our land."
as this man spoke, i began to see the picture. An innocent man is frustrating the local rulers, they want to arrest him, but they have nothing to accuse him with, while if he continues as he is, the government might step in and destroy the region as a rebellion...
the man continued, "if i betray him..." he began weaping, "if i betray him, i will always be remembered for it, but if he continues, we will lose our land, our homes, our lives... our future."
and the man broke. at that point, in confusion, i saw something happen. his eyes glazed over like a man ready to kill a rabid pet. he was no longer concerned with love and passion, but duty and purpose. he left me.
as i wonder about that man, i wonder why he did it. was the reward they gave him too much? the man, in his guilt and shame, returned to repent, he made solace through giving his blood money back, and he wondered, "could He ever forgive me? does He love me?" sadly, this man died. he took his own life in grief. we all heard, many wondered, and i doubt he will be remembered favorably.
i approached and we began small talk. after a few minutes, we got glasses and drank the freshest, cleanest water you could imagine. as we continued, the morning sun slowly turned into the afternoon sun. as it began to beat down on us the conversation took a dramatic turn. this man looked up with solemn, deep eyes, like a man who was torn in two. a warm breeze began to pick up. "i believe my closest friend will bring our country to ruin."
A simple statement. i was confused. did this man want advice? absolution? for what? his crackling, saddened voice continued, "if he continues, we will be at war. i have to betray him. i'm afraid he might be assassinated. the leaders want him arrested but if he continues in what he's doing, though innocent, he might change the mind of the rules, we might be seen as a rebel faction which, i'm afraid, might destroy our land."
as this man spoke, i began to see the picture. An innocent man is frustrating the local rulers, they want to arrest him, but they have nothing to accuse him with, while if he continues as he is, the government might step in and destroy the region as a rebellion...
the man continued, "if i betray him..." he began weaping, "if i betray him, i will always be remembered for it, but if he continues, we will lose our land, our homes, our lives... our future."
and the man broke. at that point, in confusion, i saw something happen. his eyes glazed over like a man ready to kill a rabid pet. he was no longer concerned with love and passion, but duty and purpose. he left me.
as i wonder about that man, i wonder why he did it. was the reward they gave him too much? the man, in his guilt and shame, returned to repent, he made solace through giving his blood money back, and he wondered, "could He ever forgive me? does He love me?" sadly, this man died. he took his own life in grief. we all heard, many wondered, and i doubt he will be remembered favorably.
02 January 2010
home
home is where the heart is...
home is where you hang your hat...
home is where your dog's bowl is...
home is where the cat lives...
home is where you lay your head...
home... is a very strange thing. some people see land as home, others, family... i'm not really sure what home is. i think it's probably some sort of emotional thing. some people find home in a pack of cowboy killers... drinks with friends... some people see some sort of club, bar, whatever as home... it's portrayed in movies as that place where you ran away from and are returning to on some epic adventure... but, what IS home? i have no clue, so lets think about this together...
for me, home is in people. but that explanation falls short. when i'm around my family, i often get stir-crazy and want to leave and get 'out there'... when i'm out on some adventure, i often miss the warmth of my own bed... what is with this? the whole world is shit. it seems like i want to enjoy time in a place with the people i love and no issues... maybe, as many Christians talk about it, home is with God... maybe i am just anxious for a new place, a place where hurts don't happen... i love being home for break, but i'm tired of my mom being sick from the chemo... i'm tired of my brother having no common sense and just seeming retarded half the time... i'm tired of my dad being stressed out because the woman he loves is ill... this world sucks... and you know what, there's very little we can actually do about it.
i used to tell people all the time that "we all die alone". it's true. we do. there's nothing you nor i can do about it. death is a purely individual experience... even if someone is there, holding your hand, wiping the sweat from your brow, telling you how much they love you, you'll die alone. even groups of jews, packed into a bunker and gassed, they died alone. i don't mean to offend, i don't mean to be lewd or vulgar, but it's true, it's hard fact. the hard fact of this life is it's fleeting, and before it can get away it's going to suck a lot of the time... and then, then one dies. this existence is fucked up, but it's better to make the best of it before you go.
before i go, i want to return to the topic of home. home, for me, are hill in kathmandu that i have never walked on, with my superman bhai on one side and my pyaro bhai on the other. it's in trees in the jungles of peru with jon... it's in tiny towns in Tennessee with Tanner... sometimes... it's in quiet dorm rooms while friends are letting you play Fallout 3 while they study and sleep before finals... somtimes, it's snow angels in the middle of the road. for me, home is about those times where you could weep for joy, but don't. you could stay, but it's time to leave. you could keep walking, but the daylight is coming. we've all lost a lot, innocence mostly, but we've all lost a lot. somewhere out there, there's a child coming to the realization that this life is hard. there's an old man, forgotten by the family he forgot, dying. alone. and sometimes, sometimes i wonder, is there anything really in this life that has meaning?
if i have never told you, there's a vivid image that comes to mind when i hear a certian louis armstrong song... he was old when it was recorded, but, it's so wonderful, so beautiful. every time it starts to play i can see a hospital bed near a window that overlooks an oak with squirrels in it. it's springtime and people are walking by on the cement side-walk... and you know... that old man never noticed these things, he never thought about them until it was time to die... what a wonderful world, oh yeah...
home is where you hang your hat...
home is where your dog's bowl is...
home is where the cat lives...
home is where you lay your head...
home... is a very strange thing. some people see land as home, others, family... i'm not really sure what home is. i think it's probably some sort of emotional thing. some people find home in a pack of cowboy killers... drinks with friends... some people see some sort of club, bar, whatever as home... it's portrayed in movies as that place where you ran away from and are returning to on some epic adventure... but, what IS home? i have no clue, so lets think about this together...
for me, home is in people. but that explanation falls short. when i'm around my family, i often get stir-crazy and want to leave and get 'out there'... when i'm out on some adventure, i often miss the warmth of my own bed... what is with this? the whole world is shit. it seems like i want to enjoy time in a place with the people i love and no issues... maybe, as many Christians talk about it, home is with God... maybe i am just anxious for a new place, a place where hurts don't happen... i love being home for break, but i'm tired of my mom being sick from the chemo... i'm tired of my brother having no common sense and just seeming retarded half the time... i'm tired of my dad being stressed out because the woman he loves is ill... this world sucks... and you know what, there's very little we can actually do about it.
i used to tell people all the time that "we all die alone". it's true. we do. there's nothing you nor i can do about it. death is a purely individual experience... even if someone is there, holding your hand, wiping the sweat from your brow, telling you how much they love you, you'll die alone. even groups of jews, packed into a bunker and gassed, they died alone. i don't mean to offend, i don't mean to be lewd or vulgar, but it's true, it's hard fact. the hard fact of this life is it's fleeting, and before it can get away it's going to suck a lot of the time... and then, then one dies. this existence is fucked up, but it's better to make the best of it before you go.
before i go, i want to return to the topic of home. home, for me, are hill in kathmandu that i have never walked on, with my superman bhai on one side and my pyaro bhai on the other. it's in trees in the jungles of peru with jon... it's in tiny towns in Tennessee with Tanner... sometimes... it's in quiet dorm rooms while friends are letting you play Fallout 3 while they study and sleep before finals... somtimes, it's snow angels in the middle of the road. for me, home is about those times where you could weep for joy, but don't. you could stay, but it's time to leave. you could keep walking, but the daylight is coming. we've all lost a lot, innocence mostly, but we've all lost a lot. somewhere out there, there's a child coming to the realization that this life is hard. there's an old man, forgotten by the family he forgot, dying. alone. and sometimes, sometimes i wonder, is there anything really in this life that has meaning?
if i have never told you, there's a vivid image that comes to mind when i hear a certian louis armstrong song... he was old when it was recorded, but, it's so wonderful, so beautiful. every time it starts to play i can see a hospital bed near a window that overlooks an oak with squirrels in it. it's springtime and people are walking by on the cement side-walk... and you know... that old man never noticed these things, he never thought about them until it was time to die... what a wonderful world, oh yeah...
26 December 2009
In light of the Christmas Spirit...
i want to ask a question.
What if Jesus of Nazareth was a stillborn? Lost children might be the worst tragedy i've ever thought about. In Lord of the Rings, there's a quote along the lines of "No father should ever burry his son." After reading this, i brought it up in casual conversation with my Dad... i had never realized that my mother miscarried before i was born. in this simple conversation my dad was able to express great loss, and amazing strength. my dad does not communicate in emotion, but he was able to, logically, cooly, explain how much children matter to their parents... i have no idea how a woman could feel... i don't even know how a man can leave his children and allow them to be raised solely by their mother/grandparents/whomever... but this... this isn't a man's choice... sadly, bad things happen. so, in light of this christmas, i pray for all of those couples who've lost a child, and also for those couples who've chosen to give up a child, either by forced means or by adoption or whatever, may God be with them and help them in their lives.
Secondly, marriage, i have heard of people breaking up because of a lost child or infertility... imagine in the 1st century how Mary must have felt... a young woman, not even married yet, giving birth to a child... i find this to be astounding... how do women do it?! (other than the obvious)... it has been demonstrated to be that pregnancy, marriage, physical maturity, even caring for the needs of a child is not enough to be a parent... real parents do so much more... there's those who have been abandoned by those they're married to... i know a certain woman who takes care of men who will not get divorces, but are rejected by their wives... they simply belittle them and push them away... i find this type of ministry to be amazing, and, in light of the Christmas Spirit, i pray for all of the couples out there... all of those who've been rejected by loved ones, either deserving or not, and may God be with them in his fullness.
Lastly, if the historical Jesus was never born, then many of the teachings he shared would have died as well... the amazing movement in culture, theology and philosophy that he put forth changed the face of history... the roman empire fell to christianity... western europe was forever changed... if Jesus was never born, all of the ministries of the church would never have happened... but, the bad things done in his name never would have been either... but, i offer this rebuttal... the evil done in the name of God is the evil born within mankind's hearts... evil men will always use whatever powers they can to commit their evils, meanwhile, it is very rare that an idea or teaching can produce so much good as those who followed this man from Israel... so, right now, in my final prayer for this post, but hopefully not the last time that i ask for God's blessing upon those in this fallen existence... God, please be with those who do good in your name, may they never grow weary and may they rest in the good that comes from your nature and teachings...
amen. Merry Christmas to all, and to all, Goodnight.
What if Jesus of Nazareth was a stillborn? Lost children might be the worst tragedy i've ever thought about. In Lord of the Rings, there's a quote along the lines of "No father should ever burry his son." After reading this, i brought it up in casual conversation with my Dad... i had never realized that my mother miscarried before i was born. in this simple conversation my dad was able to express great loss, and amazing strength. my dad does not communicate in emotion, but he was able to, logically, cooly, explain how much children matter to their parents... i have no idea how a woman could feel... i don't even know how a man can leave his children and allow them to be raised solely by their mother/grandparents/whomever... but this... this isn't a man's choice... sadly, bad things happen. so, in light of this christmas, i pray for all of those couples who've lost a child, and also for those couples who've chosen to give up a child, either by forced means or by adoption or whatever, may God be with them and help them in their lives.
Secondly, marriage, i have heard of people breaking up because of a lost child or infertility... imagine in the 1st century how Mary must have felt... a young woman, not even married yet, giving birth to a child... i find this to be astounding... how do women do it?! (other than the obvious)... it has been demonstrated to be that pregnancy, marriage, physical maturity, even caring for the needs of a child is not enough to be a parent... real parents do so much more... there's those who have been abandoned by those they're married to... i know a certain woman who takes care of men who will not get divorces, but are rejected by their wives... they simply belittle them and push them away... i find this type of ministry to be amazing, and, in light of the Christmas Spirit, i pray for all of the couples out there... all of those who've been rejected by loved ones, either deserving or not, and may God be with them in his fullness.
Lastly, if the historical Jesus was never born, then many of the teachings he shared would have died as well... the amazing movement in culture, theology and philosophy that he put forth changed the face of history... the roman empire fell to christianity... western europe was forever changed... if Jesus was never born, all of the ministries of the church would never have happened... but, the bad things done in his name never would have been either... but, i offer this rebuttal... the evil done in the name of God is the evil born within mankind's hearts... evil men will always use whatever powers they can to commit their evils, meanwhile, it is very rare that an idea or teaching can produce so much good as those who followed this man from Israel... so, right now, in my final prayer for this post, but hopefully not the last time that i ask for God's blessing upon those in this fallen existence... God, please be with those who do good in your name, may they never grow weary and may they rest in the good that comes from your nature and teachings...
amen. Merry Christmas to all, and to all, Goodnight.
17 December 2009
curiosity drives me... cum barba...
so... one thing that really defines my personality is that i'm curious... i really like learning things, getting inside it and figuring out how it ticks... i'm pretty sure that's why i can talk to anyone... it might not be anything substantial, but i can talk to them. my teachers in elementary school used to have to make me sit alone in class, which never really worked because i would often talk to myself...
so i love facts and things of this sort... if you ever watch TV there's a jack daniel's commercial that tells the story of the No. 7 on the bottle, well.. it doesn't really... it actually talks about how no one knows what it's really for, the problem with this commercial is it is ineffective, i don't want to drink, i want to resurrect Jack Daniels and ask him, be like, "BRO, u gotta tell me, i'll never tell anyone, ever, honest." and then bludgeon him until i get the information i want.
you can watch that commercial here.
the thing is this, i love facts, tid-bits and ideas... i think in pictures and graphs and lines and colours, sometimes i outline my thoughts before i speak, other times, they outline seems to pop into place while i'm talking, it's amazing... but people say "curiosity killed the cat" and i've always wondered, "why? why do cats die from curiosity? do they eat things they shouldn't? do they get into places they shouldn't? why cats?" then i get on google and find out that it was originally written in the play Every Man in His Humor by Ben Johnson (i actually just looked that up) and that Shakespeare also says something similar to it... but the thing i this... people should be more curious, why are things the way they are? what makes something work? is there anything i can do to make the world a better place?
the answer to that third one is simple. yes. i'm not going to give you some generic answer, but listen here, everyone can make the world a phenomenal place, they just have to be curious as to how... now go explore, do something, be someone to another individual and remember, even if curiosity killed the cat, the cat died happy.
so i love facts and things of this sort... if you ever watch TV there's a jack daniel's commercial that tells the story of the No. 7 on the bottle, well.. it doesn't really... it actually talks about how no one knows what it's really for, the problem with this commercial is it is ineffective, i don't want to drink, i want to resurrect Jack Daniels and ask him, be like, "BRO, u gotta tell me, i'll never tell anyone, ever, honest." and then bludgeon him until i get the information i want.
you can watch that commercial here.
the thing is this, i love facts, tid-bits and ideas... i think in pictures and graphs and lines and colours, sometimes i outline my thoughts before i speak, other times, they outline seems to pop into place while i'm talking, it's amazing... but people say "curiosity killed the cat" and i've always wondered, "why? why do cats die from curiosity? do they eat things they shouldn't? do they get into places they shouldn't? why cats?" then i get on google and find out that it was originally written in the play Every Man in His Humor by Ben Johnson (i actually just looked that up) and that Shakespeare also says something similar to it... but the thing i this... people should be more curious, why are things the way they are? what makes something work? is there anything i can do to make the world a better place?
the answer to that third one is simple. yes. i'm not going to give you some generic answer, but listen here, everyone can make the world a phenomenal place, they just have to be curious as to how... now go explore, do something, be someone to another individual and remember, even if curiosity killed the cat, the cat died happy.
16 December 2009
Q source, who source?
there's this idea that some New Testament text critics have that goes like this:
The four gospels are so similar that they had to have written from an earlier manuscript that we don't have. they call this source q-source. The idea is that it's a list of the sayings of Jesus so that it could be distributed around to the new church of Jerusalem and then the gospel writers took it and made the stories that we have today from that list...
i find this to be a load of crap, sure you can believe it, but i don't think it has any clout whatsoever. first off, there's no document or reference to a document for these sources, second, they're jewish, in the first century jewish culture stories and tales are not only how to you instruct your children (and disciples) but they're also how you relate the scriptures and the practices of the faithful. there's reasons the old testament talks directly about leaving markers in order to tell the story to their children.
so there you have it, two solid reasons, BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!! the greek used in the four gospels is so dramatically different that i don't believe they could have borrowed the sayings of Jesus from one source, and secondly, there's places where the sayings show discrepancies, now, i'm not saying that Jesus didn't actually say those things, but i am saying that he taught the same lessons so often when he went places that it would be easy to quote him from different teachings... also, Jesus was a Jew (if you disagree with this, go read a book) and in being a Jew he taught in the traditional rabbinic way - telling stories with meanings, these stories are often called parables... either way, it's simply amazing!
The four gospels are so similar that they had to have written from an earlier manuscript that we don't have. they call this source q-source. The idea is that it's a list of the sayings of Jesus so that it could be distributed around to the new church of Jerusalem and then the gospel writers took it and made the stories that we have today from that list...
i find this to be a load of crap, sure you can believe it, but i don't think it has any clout whatsoever. first off, there's no document or reference to a document for these sources, second, they're jewish, in the first century jewish culture stories and tales are not only how to you instruct your children (and disciples) but they're also how you relate the scriptures and the practices of the faithful. there's reasons the old testament talks directly about leaving markers in order to tell the story to their children.
so there you have it, two solid reasons, BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!! the greek used in the four gospels is so dramatically different that i don't believe they could have borrowed the sayings of Jesus from one source, and secondly, there's places where the sayings show discrepancies, now, i'm not saying that Jesus didn't actually say those things, but i am saying that he taught the same lessons so often when he went places that it would be easy to quote him from different teachings... also, Jesus was a Jew (if you disagree with this, go read a book) and in being a Jew he taught in the traditional rabbinic way - telling stories with meanings, these stories are often called parables... either way, it's simply amazing!
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