A thought on faith and God

so, i really don't know or care how to start this or exactly what i'm going to say... i don't even have a title. it's been a while since i updated so there's some things i would really like to say... but not all at once, i'll spare you guys :)

this past month has been really interesting. I've done everything from be able to enjoy and discuss a shared faith with some really really really great friends, and at the same time, i've been giving the privilege to defend it.

a little about me: i'm a christian, if you're reading this, you probably already know that, but something you probably don't know about me is that i used to hate faith, any faith. and now, now i get to enter into discussions about faith with those who might not be against it... i told someone tonight "don't walk around eggshells near me, cause i don't around you." i want people to tell me exactly what's going on in their brain, why hide what you think? the problem most people have with God is their pre-conceived notions of what he ought to be like... i'm not coming from some kirkegaardian viewpoint of dropping everything you think about God and just blindly following (if that's what kirkegaard actually thought), but seriously, bad experiences at church, denominational interpretations and theological hermeneutics that assume certain understandings... for instance: i know that i'm biased and have my personal interpretations, but at the same time, i can teach and offer several other interpretations of the same ideas... some things in christianity aren't just set in stone, it's a faith for a reason... people ask me why i'm a christian - well, it's the only logical faith. and there's some things that one just has to reason backward about - for instance:

God does things differently than us
Sometimes what God does doesn't make sense
God's reasoning for things is consistent
If we can find God's reasoning for things, then they will make sense to us, even though he does things differently than us.

Jesus taught a backward gospel. "The meek will inherit the earth." Uh... totally. "If you want to be my disciple, you must take up your cross and follow me", "I will give you life and life more abundantly." So, just to get this straight, I need to die in order to live?

One of the assumptions you can make is this: God loves you. Your pain? God feels it? Your loneliness? Jesus died alone. Your addictions? God understands. God is not a god so removed from our situations that he does not understand. He died alone, poor, and really really cares.

But there's hope: he overcame death. Theologians like to talk about what that means, but, whatever it means, it happened. Death wasn't the final say with God. And the hope we can gain from that personally is this - he offers resurrection to us. He offers the removal of death's last word from our life. I really wish i knew where i was going with this, other than, listen, God cares, but he's not one to be bullied by us.

Just because you pray, fast, cut yourself, live an ascetic life, doesn't matter... he won't be pushed into revealing himself. God is omnipresent (he's everywhere) and if you decide to look, you'll see God, and as you practice this skill, you will learn what you're looking for.

This post probably needs a follow-up, but seriously, if i haven't been clear somewhere, comment, i'll respond.